The Split


Photo by sacks08 via Flickr

Well, it’s been a long time coming, but it’s finally happened. The Evil Overlord and I have decided to part ways. At least it was an amicable split.

If I’m honest with myself, I knew it would happen eventually. Quite frankly, I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner. Relationships are hard. Throw a big rig into the mix and things can get messier than a pelican who decides to drop in on BP.

A truck can isolate a solo driver from their better half for long periods of time. And you know what they say about long distance relationships. Team drivers have the opposite problem. Tight quarters cause issues. If you doubt that, why don’t you and your spouse try living, sleeping, and eating in your walk-in-closet for a week or two. To get the full effect, go to your neighbor’s house every time you need a toilet, sink, or shower. Let me know how that works out for ya.

Here’s the thing. I’ve got mixed feelings about the whole situation. Will I miss her? Sure. It’s always nice to have someone to share life with. On the other hand, my life just got a heck of a lot easier. For instance:

  • I’ve got half the laundry to do.
  • When it’s time to hit the road, I no longer have to load and unload 400 bags of crap that we “might need” someday.
  • No more will I have to get up in the middle of the night to fuel or walk her into a creepy-looking rest area.
  • I can eat whatever and whenever I choose.
  • I’ll sleep better without the truck moving.
  • If I have to skip or delay a shower to deliver a load on time, at least now the cursing, mumbling, and whining is only in my head.
  • I can wear two different shades of navy blue if I feel like it.
  • I can fart without get punched.
  • And perhaps most important, I am no longer the poor sap that has to wake her up every day (she isn’t called The Evil Overlord for nothing).

While all these things make this change tolerable, there are definitely things I will miss, such as:

  • Having someone to eat with.
  • Having someone to keep my stomach happy.
  • The way a single rub on the shoulder can calm me down when I’m cheesed about something.
  • Her wicked sarcasm.
  • Having someone to patch me up when I get one of those mysterious “I don’t know where that came from” cuts that most men get.
  • Getting to laugh at her morning hair (after she gets past her evil phase, of course).

So to wrap this all up in a tidy package and FedEx it to whoever cares, part of my life has changed. Some parts of it have been made more difficult. Some parts have been simplified.

Now I know some of you are probably thinking, “Hey! What about those last two blog posts, where you said that your relationship with The Evil Overlord was misunderstood by others, but fine between the two of you?” Well, that still stands. I mean, she’s only quit trucking. It’s not like I was talking about our marriage splitting up or anything. Sorry if I misled you. *smirk*

P.S. Whether I suckered you or not, please don’t tweet and give away the punch line. If I did sucker you, feel free to leave my scolding in the “comments” section. HeeHee

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17 Responses to “The Split”

  1. Lindsay Says:

    Punk! We’re all thinking how sorry we are for you!
    Enjoy the time alone! But what is the Evil Overlord quitting trucking for?

    • Todd McCann Says:

      LOL. Punk. Yep. That fits. She is going back to school and needed to do a couple of online classes before the fall semester. They would have been impossible to complete with the truck moving all the time. Thanks for not giving it away. 3 suckers so far… and counting!

  2. Pam Says:

    You have officially become the Mr. Evil Overlord for that one!! I was so suckered in!! Kick yourself and have the Mrs. do the same from me.

    • Todd McCann Says:

      LOL! Gotcha. Didn’t know if you guys would buy that or not. Had to make it short so you wouldn’t have time to think about it. I’m really surprised you all fell for that, especially knowing how “snarky” I am. SUCKERS!!!!!!

  3. Heidi Says:

    Ditto at Pam… your shoulder would be very sore if you were sitting next to me right now. Definitely punk’d!

    hmmm how to get you back…. *snicker. smirk* 🙂

  4. fltruckerwife Says:

    Oh you are a mean one!! I was totally suckered!

    So what has she decided to do instead of trucking?

    • Todd McCann Says:

      ROFL! Thank you very much. 🙂 The Evil Overlord is taking some online college courses before she starts back to school full-time in the fall. There’s no way she would have been able to take them while the truck was moving 24/7.

  5. blczz999 Says:

    BBBBBBBOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I think I speak for quite a few people that follow you, WE WILL MISS THE EVIL OVER LORD!! You’ll have to get up WWAAYY EARLIER IN THE MORNING to get me, Dude!! An tell THE EVIL OVER LORD TO TURN YOUR SHOULDER BLACK & BLUE WITH ALL THE KUNCKLE PUNCHES THAT SHE’S GOING TO GIVE YOU!!

    • helmetorheels Says:

      I’d like to second blczz999’s comment to have you turned black & blue!

    • Todd McCann Says:

      Sure. I’ll get right on that. Not. I don’t do self punishment. You could always tell her yourself. Oh wait! That’s right, The Evil Overlord isn’t on Twitter. Guess you can’t tell her to beat me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. dab2006 Says:

    You had me until the first list. It just didn’t seem right, although it did bring back memories. My better half rode with me for 2 years.

  7. blczz999 Says:

    DUDE!! Your the one in the Dark here!! What you don’t realize that we of the female side have a way of communicating – AND WE DON’T HAVE TO SAY ONE WORD AT ALL!! That goes for communicating with guy’s, OR BETTER YET, COMMUNICATING FEMALE TO FEMALE!! BAD NEWS, YOU ENDED UP ON THE SHORT END OF THAT STICK!! SHE ALREADY GOT THE MESSAGE!!

  8. CB_SnowAngel Says:

    wow… hmm… I guess I’m good for a passenger! ^_^ I don’t complain, nag, or hit hard (when I do, it’s playful)
    My bf and I even have burping contests.. LMAO! It’s so fun… and yea, we have our lil spats.. but they don’t last long. It’s good to get along with each other real well.

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