Life is Crap


Courtesy of Life Is Crap®

Watch out! The Life is good.® people have got some competition. The Evil Overlord and I were in a truck stop near Missoula, Montana when we ran across an entire wall of Life Is Crap® merchandise. Yes, you heard me right. They use the stick figure design and everything. Leave it up to Americans to take something that is happy and positive and give it a high school gym class worthy wedgie. The Life Is Crap® folks are actually saying “Life is crap sometimes. May as well laugh about it.” Love the attitude!

This certainly isn’t the first time something like this has happened. Consider the “yellow smiley face” design that says, “Have a nice day.” How long did it take before the same image was seen with a bullet hole in its smiley little forehead? Not long.

Most of the time, I look on the bright side of life. Or at least I try to. But every now and then you’ve gotta let your hair down and let everyone know what you think sucks about life. So in that vain I present to you my “Life is crap” list. I think I’ll start with religion again:

  • Bumper stickers that say “Jesus is a Liberal.” Show me in the Bible where Jesus promotes homosexuality or the murder of babies and then maybe we’ll talk. And before you get all bent out of shape, I don’t hate gay people. The Bible teaches to hate the sin and love the sinner.
  • People who can dish out criticism, but can’t take it. See above.
  • Being behind the wheel of a big rig in 60 mph winds. Worse. . . when it’s also snowing.
  • Paying for movie tickets, then being forced to watch advertisements before the previews start.
  • Litter bugs
  • Seeing an empty golf course while I’m driving my truck. If I could just pull over. . .
  • Blind-side backing
  • People who choose welfare over work
  • Sell-your-left-testicle-priced iPhone plans
  • Bad listeners. . . and me being a bad listener
  • Not being able to get a straight answer on the CB radio
  • Taxes. . . No crap list would be complete without taxes.
  • Cracking down on my nephews. I hate having to do it, but it’s necessary for my sanity. Why can’t they just be little angels 24/7. Oh yeah; they’re boys.
  • The dinging noise in your car that won’t stop until you put your seat belt on
  • Waking up The Evil Overlord. Can’t we just let her sleep? Please.
  • A video game that doesn’t let you “save” after you get through a really hard section.
  • Big city rush hour
  • Child molesters. I say try ’em and fry ’em. The Bible does promote an eye for an eye.
  • Having the heel of your stretched-out sock come up to your ankle.
  • Being politically correct to the point of absurdity.
  • Those immoral commercials that promote “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.”
  • Having to leave home after 3 days off
  • Static cling
  • A cell phone without a signal. How did our parents survive?
  • Bikini waxing. Umm. Forget I said that.
  • Long traffic lights. C’mon already! I’ve got crap to do!
  • Smacking your funny bone
  • Picking a booger that is waaaaay bigger than you expected. . . and not a Kleenex in sight.

Well, that’s enough for now. And what better way to leave you than with a dazzling mental image of me with my finger in my nose.

Got a “Life is good” or “Life is crap” list? I’d love to hear yours.

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11 Responses to “Life is Crap”

  1. jennifer Says:

    LOL! good form, good form. somehow in the twisted minds of humans we love to share in someone else’s misery, don’t we? you want to know one of my biggest pains? grabbing your ipod in the morning, getting to the ymca only to find out that your husband took your charged ipod and left you the dead one……bunch of crap!
    later gater

  2. Todd McCann Says:

    The Evil Overlord says the same thing about me and her Nintendo DS. Her solution? Buy me one of my own.

  3. vernon george Says:

    she warned u when u used up the battery and didnt charge it up. u didnt have the concious sense to realize who was warning u not to do it again. I get a real chuckle out of u two.

  4. Jude Says:

    Hey, I kinda like this. I can complain all day and it’s ok. Well let’s get started. My worst, worst thing is driving to the store and leaving my purse at home. Done that two times. Better get the gun out. Next, I just can’t stand it when someone tries to drive for me. Oh yeah, talking to my Mom on the phone. She can’t hear me so she carries on a one sided conversation. I can just feel my hand comming through the phone…Lov you Mom. Someone who takes a big dump or a little one and dosen’t flush. #1 is ok. Well thanks todd for letting me rant. Lov your Blog

  5. blczz999 Says:

    Like what you wrote about “Automatic versus Manual” transmissions! Your a good writer Todd. I would write more but I am NOT having a good afternoon, to my day right now! My life sucks! In a one word explaination. Email me, an I’ll send u back a snippet of what my life entails now a days!!

  6. paul wheeler Says:

    Crap Happens – and Laughter is the Cure!

  7. geekonwheels Says:

    Waking up to find you only have enough coffee grounds to make a weak ass cup of joe, the milk has gone off and you have cottage cheese for creamer, and the wife has left you barely enough gas in the car to make it to the gas station that is 5 miles from the house. Life is Crap ….. but you gotta laugh.

  8. paul wheeler Says:

    In a classic roadside diner, early morning, somewhere in Big Sky country. You’re in a Silk City, 1949 Jerry O’Mahoney stainless steel beauty. A few friendly truckers eating quietly, reading the paper, and everyone is in a good, quiet mood. 7th game of the world series is on that night and you will be home with your family in time to watch it. You are about to salt your eggs, which are perfect, and sip the first taste of coffee for the day. You start sprinking salt on your eggs – and the cap falls off and an entire shaker of salt lays heaped up on your steaming eggs! Life is Crap man — but hey, ya gotta laugh about it.

    • Todd McCann Says:

      Sorry I missed this comment the first time around. I’m LMBO here, cuz dude, that just totally sucks. It’s not as if your day started out bad. Everything was sooooooo perfect and then POW! LOL

      Thanks for sharing your bit of misfortune. Classic.

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